Two years since October 7th

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As we near Simchat Torah, the Hebrew anniversary of the October 7th massacre approaches. I usually try to anchor myself in positive things – like kitchen hacks, chickens, and yarn – but right now, I can think of little other than the day two years ago, when our world got turned upside down.

I remember it perfectly. I was sitting and schmoozing with some other moms at the playground. It was Saturday, Simchat Torah, and as Shabbat observers, we were blissfully unaware that anything was going on.

Then a panicked-looking lady ran past us, swinging her phone, and snapped at us, “What are you doing sitting here? (Would it help if we started running?) Don’t you know there had been an attack?” (How would we know?)

I would be away from my phone until the evening of that day, but as we walked home, I caught snatches of buzzing conversations: “army taken by surprise… 300 people killed… how is this possible?”

Hours later, the full extent of the horrifying pogrom became known to us. A horde of bloodthirsty barbarians had invaded from Gaza and proceeded to slaughter around 1,200 innocent people (we’d learn this number later, as bodies were gradually uncovered and identified). As if we didn’t have borders, intelligence units, and a tech-whiz army. As if we were back in the shtetl, at the mercy of invading Cossacks.

The IDF rallied within a few hours, but any illusion of personal safety had been snatched away. We were afraid to leave the house. My children were speculating on whether a terrorist would think to search the attic if we lived through a similar invasion in our town.

I would get up in the middle of the night to check the door and windows. I’d experience a moment of relief once I ensured that everything was locked, only to figure that a hand grenade would probably enable a terrorist to break in.

This was nothing new, of course. We were, and are, part of a nation that had long carried generational trauma of countless expulsions, pogroms, persecutions, and, of course, the Holocaust. But October 7th drew a clear line in the sand: life before, life after. Things would never be the same.

In the months following the massacre, my mental health suffered. I continued working and carrying on my daily routine, but it was mostly on autopilot. I would forget simple stuff. I’d open the refrigerator and struggle to remember why. Things I enjoyed seemed to lose their flavor. I’d want to have my children within my sight, always, which of course wasn’t possible.

The recommendation of mental health services seemed disingenuous. No amount of counseling could obliterate a REAL danger. I began feverishly exploring different possibilities of getting our family out – to some remote corner in the world where we could hide and be safe. Until the rising tide of worldwide antisemitism convinced me that there probably is no such a corner anywhere anymore.

Today, two years after the massacre, and with the elimination of Mohammed Deif, Ismail Haniyeh, Yahya Sinwar, Hassan Nasrallah, and the Iranian nuclear facilities, I have achieved some measure of balance. Life will still never be the same, but I strive to be a worthy link in the chain of Jewish resilience through the ages.

May we get to celebrate a joyful Simchat Torah despite the black cloud of trauma that has now settled over this holiday for all of future Jewish history.

Sour cream instead of heavy whipping cream?!

With Rosh HaShana coming up next week, I thought this was the perfect time to make and freeze Tehilla’s birthday cake. However, after popping into three local supermarkets, I discovered, to my dismay, that there’s a shortage of heavy whipping cream, which I needed to make the filling and ganache.

I had several alternative options: commercial plant-based alternatives (yuck!), coconut cream (I prefer it in fruity desserts, not chocolate-based cakes), or, which I was skeptical about at first, sour cream.

Whipped sour cream filling is a Soviet classic that goes great with chocolate cakes. But can you whip sour cream? Yes, if it’s fatty enough. I used sour cream with 27% fat. You can also strain sour cream to make it fattier – just place it in a cheesecloth-lined sieve above a bowl and let it drip for a while.

Whipped sour cream doesn’t turn out as lusciously fluffy as whipping cream, but the results are still delicious. The cream is a bit tangy, so you may potentially need to use more sugar. Powdered sugar is a must here, as granulated sugar won’t dissolve properly. I make my own powdered sugar by running granulated sugar through an electric spice grinder.

Whip well-chilled sour cream until it forms peaks. Gradually add the powdered sugar. Optional: add a tablespoon of instant vanilla pudding mix for more stable cream.

Sour cream also make smooth, silky ganache. Heat chocolate and sour cream at a 1:1 ratio over a very low flame on the stove. Mix constantly until the chocolate has melted. Chill until it’s the right consistency for frosting. Enjoy!

Branching out into knitting

For many years, I was a crochet-only gal. I will always love crochet and consider it the more versatile of fiber arts, suitable for anything from amigurumi and sturdy baskets to delicate garments. However, these days, I’m also branching into knitting. This twisted headband, knitted entirely in stockinette, isn’t perfect – but it’s soft, stretchy, very wearable, and I’m super proud of it.

I worked with leftovers of Malabrigo Silky Merino, a dreamy yarn that’s such a delight to handle and knit (and crochet too, of course!). The technique is super simple: just make a rectangle of the desired length, then fold and sew it together using the method in the Easy Crochet Velvet Twist Headband video. That’s it!

Now, on to the next project… possibly something bigger that requires a gauge swatch.

Easy, refreshing mango ice cream

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Our mango tree yielded a surprisingly large crop this summer (photo not mine, as I didn’t snap a picture of the mangoes before processing them), and there’s only so much mango you can eat. So, I sliced and froze a batch, and on one hot afternoon, I decided to experiment and make mango ice cream.

The result was an absolute hit: refreshing, creamy, and quick to make. It contains only three ingredients and is all-natural and vegan!

You’ll need:

  • About 2 cups of mango slices/cubes, peeled, either fresh or frozen
  • 1 cup of coconut cream
  • Your preferred sweetener to taste (I used brown sugar)

Blend all ingredients together until thoroughly mixed and smooth. You may need to wait for your mango to thaw if you’re using frozen fruit. Pour into a container, pop into the freezer, and stir about every 30-60 minutes to keep ice crystals from forming.

Scoop and enjoy! If the ice cream is too solid, let it thaw a bit.

I haven’t tried this yet, but I imagine it will also work great with berries, bananas, peaches, passionfruit, or a combo of the above.

The wheat hat in Malabrigo Dos Tierras

As a treat to myself, I decided to do another quick project in one of Malabrigo’s lovely yarns: this time Dos Tierras, which I handled for the first time. It’s superwash, 4 ply yarn made of 50% merino and 50% baby alpaca. I used a 3.5 mm hook; the colorway I chose was Whale’s Road.

Dos Tierras feels and works up a lot like Rios, despite being 50% alpaca (rather than pure merino like Rios). Also, despite being DK/sport weight, it contains the same yardage (210 per hank) as the worsted-weight Rios. This means that Dos Tierras is heavier, more compact, and likely more tightly plied than Rios.

Dos Tierras comes with all the perks of other Malabrigo superwash yarns. It has a lovely hand, a nice stitch definition, and amazing color saturation. It’s even, not prone to tangling, and easy to unravel if necessary.

On the other hand, again, like Rios, Dos Tierras is a bit floppy due to its superwash treatment. In fact, it’s probably even floppier because of the alpaca content, given that alpaca is less elastic and stretchy than merino.

That’s why a hat likely wasn’t the ideal project for this yarn – something drapey, like a scarf or cowl, would work up better. But my daughter really wanted a hat from this yarn, so I tried my best to make it work.

After completing the stretchy brim (single crochet in back loop), I tried doing post cables. Predictably, this didn’t work out too well – the fabric was stiff and heavy, and the cables lay flat, so I unraveled it and did the wheat stalks pattern instead. I LOVE this pattern, but again, I felt it would turn out nicer and squishier with a non-superwash yarn, possibly some lovely single-ply like Malabrigo Worsted.

Crochet flared tunic in Alize angora gold batik ombre

Sometimes, you fall in love with the yarn you work with. Sometimes, you develop a love-hate relationship. This was my story with Alize angora gold batik ombre.

I had this yarn cake sitting in my stash for years, from before I switched almost 100% to using all-natural, biodegradable yarns. It’s 80% acrylic, 20% wool fingering/fine sports weight yarn that comes in 150-gram cakes containing 825 meters.

I used color 7295 (eggplant/muted purple) and a 2.5 mm hook. Used this pattern from Pinterest, but my tunic/top came out a lot more flared than in the picture.

[A close-up of the details on the body]

It’s a long gradient yarn, which means that it’s suited for one-item projects worked in a single piece, like top-down tunics or light cardis, shawls, or scarves that show the whole extent of the beautiful slow color shift.

You can start working from the center (in which case you start with the lighter shade) or from the outside, like I did (and then you begin with the darker shade).

Pros:

  • Gorgeous gradual color change, nothing like the blobs of color you often get with variegated yarns
  • Drapes nicely
  • Economical: one cake goes a long way

Cons:

  • Mostly acrylic; doesn’t feel very nice on the fingers – especially if you’ve been spoiled by gorgeous yarns like Malabrigo!
  • Itchy against the skin; I wouldn’t use it for a scarf or cowl
  • Brushed yarn, which means the fibers snag on each other. Almost impossible to frog, so be extra careful when working with it.

Overall, I’m not a fan and probably won’t buy this again.

Should stay-at-home moms get paid?

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Recently, I’ve been browsing quite a lot of the AITA subreddit. You come across some interesting stories, like this take from a stay-at-home mom:

“It’s the hardest, yet most rewarding job in the world. It is work though and I feel like I should get at least some compensation for all that I sacrifice. My husband doesn’t feel that way at all, though.

I decided to draft up a list of the stuff that I do around the house. Daycare, cleaning, cooking, etc., and after the tykes were put down I presented it to him and explained that I would like to be have a separate bank account and be paid (min wage). I figured that was completely reasonable, but apparently not.”

So… should stay-at-home moms be paid? I don’t think so.

Now, I’ll be the first to admit that SAHMs are often taken for granted and not appreciated enough, even by themselves. I remember myself as a young mom with two toddlers, milk goats, a bunch of chickens, and a dog to take care of, constantly questioning whether I’m doing enough. Which, now I think about it, was crazy and kind of sad.

I also know from experience that stay-at-home parents are vulnerable and disadvantaged financially. It’s not just about the money you don’t make while you dedicate yourself to raising your children. It’s about employability. While you’re busy changing diapers and picking up toys, your professional qualifications are slipping away. Any degree you have might become less relevant with a ten-year gap on your resume. If you ever seek paid work again, you can’t pick up from the point where you left off as a college graduate or young professional. You have to start from scratch, and no one will be lining up to hire you.

Still, I don’t believe a stay-at-home mom should get money from her husband. I find this degrading. It reduces their relationship from life partners to boss-employee.

A husband and wife are one unit. Any money that one of the spouses makes belongs to both, and both should have equal access to the bank account unless there’s a good reason to do otherwise. The law agrees: in divorces, money earned by either spouse during the marriage is typically considered community property.

The stay-at-home mom from the Reddit thread above has access to the family’s money, but said she feels guilty using it for “stuff that’s just for me, like manicures or going out with my friends.”

This, I think, is the core issue here. Provided manicures and occasional outings are within this family’s budget, the mom should feel zero guilt giving herself these little pick-me-ups. She is an equal partner in the household, and shouldn’t need pin-money from her husband to validate that.

Of course, this raises questions. Has the husband ever made her feel bad about spending money on herself (as long as she doesn’t overspend)? Is he a financial control freak? Or does she simply feel uncomfortable using the money she didn’t put into the account? That’s the matter they should discuss and resolve.