making money – Domestic Felicity

Bullshit jobs: Are they a problem?

I just finished Bullshit Jobs: A Theory by David Graeber, a highly thought-provoking read. It discusses how “We have become a civilization based on work—not even “productive work” but work as an end and meaning in itself.”

In simple words, the author claims that a big chunk of jobs today is unnecessary, pointless, or at least extremely inefficient.

I’ll be the first to admit there’s a lot of truth in this. But you know what? That’s pretty privileged thinking. Many, perhaps most people I know wouldn’t mind working some silly job as long as it pays well, is fairly non-stressful, and leaves them a reasonable amount of free time.

I’ve worked on quite a few bullshit projects myself. One was writing copy for a major U.S. solar panel installer. This company decided it needed hyper-focused local SEO, with separate service pages not just for each state, but for every major town or city in each state. This translated to hundreds of pages that all followed the same template, except for a location-specific paragraph that usually included a couple of phrases on the city’s climate and topography.

Each page had to be different to avoid duplicate content on the top-level domain, so I had to reword what was essentially the same content in hundreds of variations. There are only so many times you can do this without feeling like you’re stuck in some Groundhog Day remake.

I highly doubt all that micro-localization was necessary. For most people, state-specific information is quite enough to decide whether installing a solar panel is a good idea.

And guess what? I was supremely grateful for that job. It was steady, predictable, fairly easy, and it paid decently. Those hours I spent writing about installing solar panels in Boulder, CO, or Flagstaff, AZ, translated into groceries for my family, paid utility bills, and clothes and shoes for the kids.

If someone offered me a well-paid, secure, flexible job that consisted of copying license plate numbers into Excel sheets or something like that, I’d take it in a heartbeat. For most people, a paid job is a means to an end: feeding their families. A meaningful job is a bonus.

Yes, I do agree that “Young people in Europe and North America in particular, but increasingly throughout the world, are being psychologically prepared for useless jobs, trained in how to pretend to work, and then by various means shepherded into jobs that almost nobody really believes serve any meaningful purpose.” But what’s the solution?

David Graeber doesn’t elaborate on what the alternative to BS jobs would be. He does suggest Universal Basic Income (UBI) as a possibility. For someone like me, it would admittedly be amazing. I’d never lift a finger for any sort of paid work again. I’d continue writing, of course, but would probably pivot into less commercial-minded projects.

However, while UBI sounds good in theory, it comes with a plethora of problems, not the least of which is that it would be 100% government-issued and -controlled. Thus, almost the whole population would be entirely dependent on the government’s goodwill. If those up above decided to withhold UBI for some transgression (like, say, exceeding the allowed travel limits during a pandemic), who’d stop them?

I was curious about what the author thinks of AI. When I looked it up, I was sad to discover David Graeber had passed away in 2020.

AITA take: Husband divorces wife who decided to become a SAHM

I bumped into a Reddit thread making rounds on social media: husband asks “AITA?” after divorcing his wife following her decision to become a SAHM.

The wife bailed out on their earlier agreement to put the baby in daycare when she refused to return to work once their baby was 6 months old. She realized she needed to be with her child.

So far, that’s perfectly natural. Many couples who planned their careers pre-kids underestimate the powerful way a tiny baby tugs at a mom’s heartstrings. At 6 months old, mom and baby are still practically one unit. The baby may still be exclusively breastfeeding. It’s VERY common to look at your tiny tot and realize that your priorities have changed.

The issue is with how the mom handled this situation. As the marriage partner who wanted this lifestyle change, she should have been ready for every effort to make it work. This doesn’t seem to have been the case at all:

She quit her job. She took care of baby during my work hours and wanted me to take care of cooking dinner on weekdays and cooking, cleaning and baby care on weekends because “stay at home mom deserves breaks too.”

The original poster states he had been working 80 hours a week. That’s like two full-time jobs! It’s insane and unsustainable for any length of time. I’m not sure what his field of work is, but assuming he makes more than minimum wage, the family could have probably gotten by with him working fewer hours.

This is the point where the wife should have said, “Honey, being home with Little One is the most important thing in the world to me right now. I’m ready to compromise on material things to make it happen. I’ll give up my car/ make a more frugal meal plan/ cut down on unnecessary purchases/ get baby’s things second-hand/ happily accept a staycation or camping instead of an expensive holiday.”

Or, “Let’s consider moving to a smaller house in a less expensive area.”

Or, “Let me look into flexible work from home options to contribute to our finances.”

Did she say that? If she did, the original post doesn’t mention it.

Next, it seems like the wife expected the husband to devote practically every moment at home to housework and chores “because stay-at-home moms deserve a break too.” I’m very sorry, but that’s not how this works.

Yes, everyone deserves a break, but it’s only fair that the stay-at-home parent takes on the larger share of housework, especially once the kid is past the newborn stage. If she gets a break anytime the husband is around, when does HE get a break? Especially remembering he works 80 hours a week.

Finally, once she knew the marriage is falling apart because of her attitude, she should have backpedaled. She should have realized that, if they divorced, the baby would end up in daycare anyway (as in fact did happen).

I was a SAHM for many years, and today I work from home as a freelancer. My husband never worked 80 hours a week. In fact, for extended periods, he didn’t even work 80 hours a month.

I always realized that I’m making a tradeoff: less money, more time and flexibility. I made some mistakes along the way, but overall, my priorities remain unchanged: I choose a smaller income and fewer material things in exchange for a better work-life balance. I don’t assume that the universe owes me the lifestyle I could have had if we had been a family with two full-time incomes. Fact: Today’s economy is wired for dual-income families. To make it work on one income, you need flexibility, creativity, compromises, and often sacrifices.

In short, this man didn’t divorce his wife because she wanted to be a SAHM. He divorced her because she was exploiting him and running him into the ground. It looks like the wife dismantled her own marriage with her selfishness and entitlement.

Is sharing finances with your spouse always the right choice?

I recently came across the following Facebook post by Dave Ramsey:

Dave proceeds to suggest that spouses should address whatever underlying issue that’s preventing them from sharing finances. While true in theory, this view is incredibly simplistic and naïve.

I agree that in a perfect world, all married couples would be on the same page financially, and would have no reason to keep their money separate. However, this doesn’t always work this way.

I can think of many situations in which sharing finances could, in fact, cause a lot of trouble. Here are just a few:

One spouse’s destructive financial habits, like compulsive shopping and inability to budget
Gambling and other addictions
A spouse carrying debt from before the marriage
People in blended family situations, i.e., each spouse brings kids from a prior marriage and is responsible for covering their own kids’ expenses

And that’s even without getting into the issue of financial abuse, like one spouse (often a stay-at-home parent or the one who earns less) being blocked from freely using joint accounts and instead getting “spending money” from the main breadwinner.

Reddit is full of stories like this one, with the self-explanatory title of “Recently discovered extent of my wife’s shopping addiction.“ The poster proceeds to tell that his wife blew “$6200 on high end cloths this last month with $5200 the month before that.”

So, according to Dave Ramsey, this couple should work on budgeting and aligning their financial goals. Which is a great suggestion, actually! But what if this doesn’t work out?

Suppose the overspending wife doesn’t acknowledge the extent of her problem. Or, suppose she does and makes an effort to fix it, but relapses. Should the financially responsible husband shoot himself in the foot by sharing funds with his wife at all costs, because “marriage is about unity”?

He could divorce her, of course. Many marriages fall apart because of disagreements over money. But is breaking up the only option if spouses can’t agree on money matters?

Let’s say this Redditor wants to stay together with his wife. Maybe they have a good relationship otherwise, and money is their only major disagreement. Maybe his wife actually wants to improve her spending habits, and maybe she even will at some future point, but in the meantime, what can he do to keep up with mortgage payments and put food on the table?

Separate their finances, obviously. It’s better than drowning together with your spouse because “there’s no such thing as your money/my money anymore.” Overall, I believe everyone should do what works for them, whether it’s shared or separate accounts.

Do moms have marketable skills?

Photo by August de Richelieu on Pexels.com

A statement I encountered on social media got me so full of things to say I pulled out of my unplanned blogging hiatus. Here it goes (simplified for clarity):

“Stay-at-home moms who are looking to reenter the workforce are extremely attractive to employers because they offer so many useful and versatile skills. Therefore, if you’re a SAHM, it will be easy to find a job at any future point.”

What can I say? I do wish the job market worked this way… but it doesn’t.

As one of the more realistic people on that thread said, “Employers aren’t looking at what you COULD do… only at what you have already DONE.”

After I finished my degree, I spent a decade having babies, mucking out chickens, and handling mountains of laundry. Any credentials I had became obsolete, and I had nothing to put on my resume when I eventually started applying for jobs. I was lost, because when I opted out, I never thought there might come a day when I’d be desperately looking for work.

Trust me, employers weren’t lining up saying, “Wow! This woman can change a diaper on a toddler who’s standing on his head, and she’s a real pro at matching socks. That’s a hire!”

Eventually I managed to land my first long-term editing gig, which paid like a Scrooge but allowed me to gain experience I used as a springboard into better things. It was hard; I recall the days of balancing my laptop on the corner of the nursing pillow as my baby snoozed. It got easier at some point, but I’m still a freelancer. I don’t enjoy the security or pay that my peers managed to gain by staying in the workforce.

Do I regret this? No. I made choices; being with my children was and is priceless; I love the flexibility of working remotely. But what I wish I had done, and what I hope everyone does, is walk into this situation with eyes open.

Everything is a tradeoff. If you take a decade off to focus on parenting, reentering the job market may be a grueling uphill struggle. If you choose to work part-time and/or from home, you might miss out on opportunities. You may need to settle for lower pay and no security. You may lie awake at night panicking about what’s going to happen.

I don’t want to discourage anyone, but let’s just stay real. Yes, you can find paid work after many years of full time parenting. Just don’t expect this to be easy, fast, or instantly super lucrative.

Why you should stay in control of your finances and future

Some time ago, I wrote about the potential pitfalls of investing a lot of time and resources into unpaid, unacknowledged work, even and especially if you’re working in a family business and/or for your spouse.

Honestly, I didn’t expect the post to get any traction. I mostly treated it as a mini-rant on my private web corner. But surprisingly (or perhaps not), I keep getting feedback on what I wrote back then.

Here are a couple of the public comments:

“My husband left me for a younger girl and abandoned me. For 25 years, I worked with him in his company and never had a role, never been put on the books at all. I have no social security at all. What do I do?”

“We bought a business 7 years into a common law marriage. It was in my wife’s name only. I have worked there for free for 19 years. Never thought much about it until now. We have been together 25 years now and she just left me and moved out for a guy she just met. I’m left running her business that was ours by myself now. I’m 66, disabled because of the hard work at the business. I can’t get medicare or SS because she never paid for me… now I’m told that it’s her business and I benefited from it by having a place to live and food for 19 years! I’m tired, disabled and left without anything.”

You guys, these people did what appears the most natural thing in the world. They trusted their partners and put in the work for a family business without keeping score. Because that’s what you do when you’re married, right? But it can lead to some absolutely heartbreaking, glaringly unfair situations. I believe the commenters may have some legal recourse, but it would probably take a skilled lawyer who’d agree to work on a contingency basis.

When I was younger, I didn’t believe in planning for financial crises. I saw it as pessimism, or lack of faith, or whatever. I was all about looking at the future with a bright and trusting outlook, and I got my comeuppance. You guys know the story: I moved into the middle of nowhere, cut myself from all transportation and resources, and was left with no means to provide for myself and the kids when we hit a long stretch of unemployment, underemployment, and disastrous financial decisions. I remember there was one job opportunity that was SUCH a great fit for me and so close to home… only 10 minutes’ ride – but as I had no car, it might as well have been on the moon! I remember thinking, “I did this to myself. My own lack of forethought put me in this position.”

I’m in a different and better place now. And I know I talk a lot about finances and financial security. I do this because I feel a duty to warn people: don’t entrust your whole future (and your children’s future) to one person, even if this person is the love of your life. People can fail you. I bet the people who commented on my original post never thought their partners would abandon them. But even if everyone is 100% faithful and well-intentioned, people still fall sick, lose jobs, and run into unexpected financial pitfalls.

Protect yourselves, folks. If you stay home with your kids, have something to fall back on. If you pour your soul into working in a family business, make sure you get official recognition for your role, if not a salary. If you’re married to someone who isn’t very good with money, consider setting up a separate bank account for your own and your children’s sake.

That’s all for now. Here’s to a joyous month of Nissan and a happy, non-stressful Passover.

Should you work for peanuts?

Let me just preface this post by saying that not getting fair pay for your work sucks. It really does. It’s rotten and unjust to work your backside off for less than minimum wage, which is why many freelancers follow the advice that says, “hold off until you can get a worthy compensation for your time”.

I had nobody to tell me this when I started my first regular freelance gig, at probably less than $10 an hour. The terms were exploitative, but at that point I had been out of the workforce for about a decade, and my confidence was in the pits. I was ready to grasp at just about anything.

So I found myself editing Chinese serial fiction, trying to slap atrocious translations into shape. I wasn’t making much money, but it was my own money… And it made a huge difference to my self-esteem.

Apart from making that little bit of money, two things happened. One, I gained experience. I was no longer a person with nothing on my resume. I could now truthfully say that I had one year of experience as a fiction editor.

Second, I kept getting praised for my work. I got into the editing team’s top tier. I was assigned the responsibility of training newbies and rating translators. I got involved in new and interesting projects. I got a couple of bonuses. My team leader kept telling me that I was a responsible, professional, and capable team member during her monthly calls.

Eighteen months later, I moved on to better-paying opportunities, but I will always be grateful to the first place that took a chance on me and helped me progress from nothing to something – probably the hardest step for every freelancer.

So, for me, working for peanuts eventually paid off. If I kept waiting and waiting for an opportunity that was “worth my time”, I might still have been stuck.

I’ll just give one caveat. If you do start with low-paying work, try not to let it hog all your time. For many months on my first job, I was like a hamster on a wheel, too busy running to look right or left or to notice I’m going nowhere. So do reserve the time to look for better options and polish your skills.

Coping with freelance writing ebb and flow

Every freelance writer knows that workflows can (and will) shift. One day, you have a steady trickle of work. Then you’re buried in an avalanche of projects that looks like it will keep you busy until next year. And a month later, you sit around wondering where your next gig is coming from.

I’ve been a content writer and editor for several years now, and I’ve mostly been very, very lucky to find extremely steady, reliable, and reasonable clients. Still, like everyone else, I get my highs and lows. Sometimes I put my foot down and say my work-at-home-mom schedule is as full as I’d like it to be, and sometimes I apply to new job listings.

When you’re sending applications and work/money isn’t coming in as fast as you’d like it to, and the electricity bill is due this week and your kids have outgrown all their shoes, it’s easy to panic. So here are my top five tips for those slow days/weeks.

#1. Don’t panic. Remember the time when you started from scratch? It was probably more difficult than whatever you’re facing now. If now you have a portfolio of work and some experience under your belt, you’re ahead already. Jobs are out there. You just need to land the right ones.

#2. Budget. It’s tempting to splurge when you’ve made a bundle on a big project, but if you have an unstable income, the smart move is to lay aside as much money as you can every month. You can also implement two types of monthly budgets: one for lean months, and one for periods when you can allow yourself some more financial leeway.

#3. Do useful stuff. Brush up on your resume. Make or update a spreadsheet of your earnings over the past months. Set your office in order or even give your house the nice deep clean it has been desperately needing. Vacuum your car. Take care of all the little things you never have time for.

#4. Expand your knowledge. Niche writers are in high demand. If you take the time to dive deep into a specific topic (whether it’s cryptocurrency or herbal remedies), you may gain an edge over your competitors. There are free courses you can take to learn more about interesting stuff you’ve always wanted to explore.

#5. Do your thing. Enjoy some peace and quiet while you can. Go on a hike or a picnic with your kids. Dig into personal projects, like getting your garden in shape or repainting your kitchen cabinets. During my latest slower period, I was able to finish editing and (finally!) publish my new historical fiction novel, Queen of Ophir.

Finally, it may be time to sit down for a re-evaluation. If waiting for work and juggling clients is too stressful, maybe you should look into a position that is less flexible but more secure. But that’s probably a topic for another post.

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