Category: Uncategorized

Is sharing finances with your spouse always the right choice?

I recently came across the following Facebook post by Dave Ramsey:

Dave proceeds to suggest that spouses should address whatever underlying issue that’s preventing them from sharing finances. While true in theory, this view is incredibly simplistic and naïve.

I agree that in a perfect world, all married couples would be on the same page financially, and would have no reason to keep their money separate. However, this doesn’t always work this way.

I can think of many situations in which sharing finances could, in fact, cause a lot of trouble. Here are just a few:

  • One spouse’s destructive financial habits, like compulsive shopping and inability to budget
  • Gambling and other addictions
  • A spouse carrying debt from before the marriage
  • People in blended family situations, i.e., each spouse brings kids from a prior marriage and is responsible for covering their own kids’ expenses

And that’s even without getting into the issue of financial abuse, like one spouse (often a stay-at-home parent or the one who earns less) being blocked from freely using joint accounts and instead getting “spending money” from the main breadwinner.

Reddit is full of stories like this one, with the self-explanatory title of “Recently discovered extent of my wife’s shopping addiction.“ The poster proceeds to tell that his wife blew “$6200 on high end cloths this last month with $5200 the month before that.”

So, according to Dave Ramsey, this couple should work on budgeting and aligning their financial goals. Which is a great suggestion, actually! But what if this doesn’t work out?

Suppose the overspending wife doesn’t acknowledge the extent of her problem. Or, suppose she does and makes an effort to fix it, but relapses. Should the financially responsible husband shoot himself in the foot by sharing funds with his wife at all costs, because “marriage is about unity”?

He could divorce her, of course. Many marriages fall apart because of disagreements over money. But is breaking up the only option if spouses can’t agree on money matters?

Let’s say this Redditor wants to stay together with his wife. Maybe they have a good relationship otherwise, and money is their only major disagreement. Maybe his wife actually wants to improve her spending habits, and maybe she even will at some future point, but in the meantime, what can he do to keep up with mortgage payments and put food on the table?

Separate their finances, obviously. It’s better than drowning together with your spouse because “there’s no such thing as your money/my money anymore.” Overall, I believe everyone should do what works for them, whether it’s shared or separate accounts.

Cursed Earth: Birthday Book Release

Today is my birthday – as well as the birthday of my latest book, Cursed Earth, the first installment in my new fantasy series, Storm of Elements. Cursed Earth features an outcast with dangerous powers, tangled conspiracies, ruthless pirates, and an inexplicable phenomenon that threatens to destroy the world.

From the book: “I can never go back to Terrenia,” Maxine said in a low voice. “If someone finds out…”
“… that you have unusual abilities?”
“That I’m a freak – yes, a freak – I will be facing worse than deportation.”

I started working on Cursed Earth around the time when our world blew up in our faces on October 7th. It began as a “look, I still have it all together” novel and went on as a “everything is crumbling around me, but I can still escape to a different world by making up a story” book.

I’m thankful for having written Cursed Earth. I’m thankful for the baby steps I’m taking with the sequel, even when I feel brain dead. I’m thankful to be alive. Thankful for my family, my people, and my country. And especially thankful to have made another turn around the sun.

Lessons learned from a burglary

A couple of days ago, our home was broken into. This was a devastating experience I wouldn’t wish on anyone: all my precious sentimental jewelry pieces are gone, along with a significant chunk of cash.

On the brighter side, the burglar didn’t take my laptop, which was left right there on the kitchen table, nor the wallet with my ID and credit cards. I’ve been checking my credit card charges daily, and everything seems OK so far.

Hoping to make some sense of what happened, and possibly extend a bit of useful advice to others, here’s what I learned from this incident.

One, don’t assume you’re safe. Never assume that. I’ve never dealt with a burglar before. It’s a quiet neighborhood. I walked out for exactly one hour between 10 and 11 a.m. They still got into the house.

Two, don’t assume you’d notice someone had been in the house. In retrospect I understood we experienced MULTIPLE break-ins, but I assumed I just misplaced cash until I walked in and smelled cigarettes (no one in our family smokes). Then I saw they cleared out my jewelry box. If I had been more vigilant, I could have protected my jewelry by taking it from its usual place and hiding it as soon as I noticed money disappearing.

Three, the police is useless. Burglars are virtually never caught, and you’ll never see your belongings again. That’s the hard truth.

Four, burglars typically don’t have unlimited time to search your house from top to bottom. They’ll go for the obvious places where people keep valuables and cash. Thanks to this, some of the jewelry and money we had in the house is still here.

So, from now on, (besides changing the locks and preparing to install some extra security stuff) I’ll never keep anything expensive in my jewelry box again. I’ll lower risks by spreading cash and valuable items among several hiding places. You can read some useful tips on where to hide valuables in your home here.

What’s the safest place in an unsafe world?

Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I’ve always had some difficulty with the well-known rabbinical opinion that Israel is the safest place for Jews. Living in Israel has an element of instability that’s hard to ignore.

Yet now, with antisemitism rearing its ugly head all over the world, I’ve had to reassess. From what I understand by browsing social media and communicating with friends who live abroad, Jews outside Israel feel the rug being pulled from under their feet.

Socially, today Israel is definitely safest for Jews. It’s about the only place in the world where we don’t have to deal with any restrictions in practicing our faith or contemplate hiding our identity. Politically, that’s another story. Many people are displaced and/or living under constant threat.

But the danger and instability in our world are by no means limited to Jews or Israel alone. Deranged and destructive mobs are sweeping over major cities, seeking to sabotage peace, order, culture, freedom, prosperity, and everything else humanity has been working for throughout hundreds of years. If they win, the world gets thrown back into the Middle Ages.

I believe that when the present is scary and the future seems bleak, the only thing that can, practically, give us more safety is a resilient community. For Jews, that’s either Israel or an area abroad with a population that has shown overwhelming support for the Jewish people.

If you aren’t Jewish, I’d still look for a close-knit community of people with a strong moral compass and robust survival skills. Personal weapons are good to have too. Most of the civil unrest seems to be going on in densely populated urban areas, so small towns and the countryside may be safer in the long run. If I lived outside Israel and had the resources, I may have considered investing in a long-term bug-out location.

I hope we all get see a safer world someday soon. In the meantime, I’m taking a little mental vacation by working on my fiction projects. I’m pleased to announce that my newest elemental fantasy novel, Cursed Earth, is now available for preorder. I’m also writing the sequel right now.

May we all get to see a safer world someday soon. In the meantime, take care.

How to protect yourself from SHTF financially

Photo by Miguel u00c1. Padriu00f1u00e1n on Pexels.com

When I got married, I was under the illusion that I’d have very little to do with money from then on. I’d just cheer on the sidelines and be frugal, and everything would work out fine… right?

Several unemployment periods, a bunch of financial crises, and one massive fraud (on the victim end, of course) later, I realized that sometimes, things don’t work as you mean them to.

I think my top financial tip for anyone planning to get married would be: Don’t pool everything together. Yes, we always think in terms of joint accounts and finances, but if your spouse owes money or makes a big financial mistake, it can wipe everything out clean. Having my own account has become a source of such major comfort and security I would never give it up today.

If you already have a joint account, I’d set up a separate one, or, ideally, three accounts: one belonging to each spouse and a third for joint expenses. As long as there’s good communication and no childlike offenses (“don’t you trust me?!”) it can work great.

Second, keep stashing something away. Even if it’s very, very little. Just keep adding a tiny bit to that savings pile, and you’ll have yourself a nice little emergency fund for SHTF times.

Third, know the difference between a situation in which you just need to tighten your belt a bit, and a massive wake-up call. I had wrote once about how I found myself scrounging the freezer for a couple last cups of flour. It was an awful feeling. If you’re in a situation when you have no food security, reach out for help.

And one last tip: Never work for free. Your time is precious; yes, unpaid internships are a thing in many industries, but if someone is clearly profiting off your time and not paying you anything, don’t fall for that.

Impromptu mitts in Malabrigo Silky Merino: yarn review

What can be better, once I’m on a crochet roll, than breaking into my stash and pulling out another gorgeous yarn by Malabrigo? Silky Merino, a 50-50 merino and silk blend, will delight every yarn enthusiast. I chose the stunning colorway Mares, which I think goes great with the simple and timeless shell stitch I picked for this quick project.

I used two 50-gr hanks with a little left over (about 75gr total) and a 3mm hook to make a pair of fingerless mitts/handwarmers. I wanted a pair that would leave the fingers free for typing on chilly mornings when my hands crave a little extra warmth.

As usual, I didn’t work off a pattern, but you can easily make these mitts if you know how to make stretchy ribbing and shell stitch. Start with the ribbing, working a rectangle in single crochet in the back loop only. Close the edges when the piece wraps comfortably around your wrist. Crochet shells into the top; I made 7, but you can fit in more or fewer according to the size of your hand. Work your way up. Make a thumb hole by working a chain instead of a shell in one row. Keep working up until you reach the desired length.

I LOVED working with Silky Merino. It’s the perfect answer to “Why would people still choose single-ply yarns when plied ones are so much more durable and less prone to pilling?” Well, this one is simple: because it’s irresistibly gorgeous.

Even when my head knows that a 3-ply or 4-ply yarn is the more practical choice, my heart still tugs in the direction of lofty, fluffy, squishy single-plies. However, Silky Merino is, in my opinion, sturdier than the average single-ply yarn thanks to its high silk content. Silk is an amazing fiber, both strong and soft – and, of course, it adds a superb luster.

The result is a stunning yarn: buttery soft, both in the hank and when it works up, warm, with a luscious shine that compliments its vivid colors beautifully. It’s a rather light DK, with 150 yards/137m per a 50-gr hank, or 300 yards per 100 grams.

As you’d expect from premium yarn with 50% silk, Silky Merino is pricey. A sweater made with this yarn, while dreamy to the touch, would be outrageously expensive. But if you’re on a budget, two hanks should be plenty for a hat, a cowl, a pair of mitts or gloves, or a scarf. Garments worked with Silky Merino feel absolutely delightful against the skin and are 100% non-irritating. Of course, care would involve hand-wash only.

A word of caution: before you start working with this yarn, make sure you’ve made up your mind about the stitch and pattern. I wasn’t sure what stitch I wanted to use, so I had to rip a few rows out, and it was an absolute pain. Since it’s a single-ply, the micro-fibers of its fine halo stick against each when you’re frogging, and the strand can break, which is a pity when you’re working with such expensive yarn.

Final verdict: This might be my favorite yarn by Malabrigo so far! Dreamy softness, luster, texture, and stitch definition.

Don’t miss out on my other Malabrigo yarn reviews: Worsted, Rios, Silkpaca, Mora, and Sock.

Crochet vest and Malabrigo Sock yarn review

I’ve worked on this open vest for a long time; months, in fact. Was it worth it? Absolutely. I got a lovely versatile item for layering and got to crochet with Sock, another delightful offering by Malabrigo.

First, the technical side: I used almost 200 grams (two hanks) of Malabrigo Sock in the colorway Arco Iris, and a 2.5mm hook. I’m terrible at following or explaining patterns, but I drew from this bolero diagram, omitting the sleeves and making it longer.

Now, about this joy of a yarn. Malabrigo Sock is a lovely, sturdy, plied fingering weight, 100% merino yarn. It doesn’t offer the cloudy softness of single-ply yarns by Malabrigo, but it’s a lot more resistant to felting thanks to its plied structure.

Don’t get me wrong, though – it’s still a very soft yarn, both in the hank and when it works up. And it has a fantastic drape. Like all Malabrigo yarns, it comes in a stunning color palette. It’s smooth and frogs easily if you need to correct a mistake. It’s very even (none of the thick and thin patches you’ll sometimes encounter in single-plies).

It’s superwash, so any items made with it would be machine washable. There are mixed opinions about superwash yarns in general, because of environmental issues and the way it alters yarn structure, but I personally loved working with it and look forward to wearing my vest.

Finally, this is a great example of why I love lace and fingering weight yarns so much: you get great value for your money. Each hank of Malabrigo Sock has 440 yards (just over 400 meters) of yarn. Two hanks, and you have a vest or a nice shawl. 3-4 hanks could probably make a sweater if you don’t need an extra large size. And your item won’t come out super bulky.

I have more Malabrigo yarns in my stash, and can’t wait to try them all. Stay tuned and check out my other Malabrigo yarn reviews: Silkpaca, Worsted, Rios, Mora.

Happy hooking in 2024!